Camber Christmas tradition

This year the annual trip to have a Christmas dip at Camber (only the second time) we had cousins going together. And chuck in a godson. A great team indeed!

... and what a day. It was glorious last year but glorious and peaceful today.

Water was surprisingly *not* as cold as I thought.

Saw a few horses. Had a hot chocolate. A hot dog (or two).

See you next year!





























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Location:Newlands Road,Tunbridge Wells,United Kingdom

My brothers

Star Wars was more than a movie. It was something that brought me and my brothers close together.

I always got "Lando" as my character as I was third and not the muscle or look in to choose first. Alwin was "Luke" and Andy "Han".

Still when they weren't looking...

Here we are just after watching Rogue One. An annual Solanky brother treat.




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"See through the eyes of a Refugee"

What struck me about the refugee experience at Humanity House in The Hague was not the empathy. It was the closterphobia and noise. The narrow corridors with doors at the end. It was something out of a Resident Evil video game. That creaking.



Then there were the voices from the radios. Behind the mountain of ring folders. It was the distinct lack of humans that struck me. I was in an experience of inhumanity.



I saw pictures of people. Faces. but I found i wasn't caring. I was just wanting to stick my head down and get through the ordeal. It wasn't bad. It was just a complete carnal feeling of survival through not engaging. Through switching off and become as close to the environment as possible.



I recall the haunting room of a small in between room where there was an ornate mantle piece with Candles and a stunning mirror. I loved looking into it and was thinking this must have been like the room Viktor Frankl describes when speaking with his father about leaving the country before he headed into the concentration camps specially designed for the Jewish people. It has a lovely carpet and a well lit ambiance.



The haunting thing was when I stared in the mirror long enough to realise that it was not staring back at me. I was not reflected. My humanity was not even in the room.



It's hard not to feel a fraud in such a moment. Especially on a day where I have been hearing non stop of "a genocide" within Aleppo.

War Crimes

The war crimes of the world are decidied in The Hague. They've prosecuted villains for heinous crimes.

A very international city that boasts a rich mix of countries.

Ironic that I'm here whilst witnessing a genocide in Aleppo. Reports flying in. All over social media.

Hard to make sense of it. All I find myself doing is remembering sitting by a memorial plaque in Mostar by the destroyed old bridge saying two haunting words: "Never Forget".

They eventually tried the Serbian leaders here.

Reuben's Christmas play

It's the season... for the Christmas plays!

Here's Reuben:











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Location:Newlands Road,Tunbridge Wells,United Kingdom

Our friend Emma

We lost a friend. A supporter. A sister.

Emma died a few weeks ago. It was a secondary cancer. Took just months. And the world feels that much more lonelier now she has gone. I've written on death before but she is leaving a hole that seems to take me back through the years.

I have fond memories of her.

Being at the Higgs' household, where we both used to frequent as kids. She was Sarah's friend and James mine.

We also grew up in the same church. Her father used to drive me, my two brothers, mum & dad to church in the days before we had a car. I recall it was the days where you could all lil in the back even sit in the boot. He was one of the jolliest people that I ever knew. Smiley. Kind and Loving. The family always appeared to have something special about them.

In more recent years Emma & her husband Eric have been supporters of ours. They believed in our family mission. They enabled us to continue to do our service for the poor. We really could not do anything without them.

I taught Samuel briefly at St Johns church back whilst he was in year 2. A few months ago Columbus came to one of the slum simulations that we ran in Sevenoaks school.

I remember speaking with you whilst undergoing treatment for your cancer (the first time round) at a prayer evening where you were beaming of hope and healing as it had recently gone.

Then I heard that it had come back a few months ago. It was a deep time of prayer for us as we followed you to your final moments.

When I heard the fatal news I really wished that it wasn't true. I knew it was coming. I didn't want it to. I held out for hope of healing. Yet I knew it was coming.

Truth be told you made me realise that this could easily have been me or us. Not only were you like us, a parent of four children, you were also part of my generation and friend since childhood. And one day it really will be me, or Angie, that will be on death's doorstep. The thing that you have taught me however is not of death but life. I just hope between now and the day we eventually die we, too, will live bravely and courageously as you have done.

It's hard to say much more beyond an expression of really deep gratitude that sinks to the depths of my very being. You have inspired me and so many of us (and it seems like the list is endless) with your belief and strength.

Thanks Emma.

http://www.forevermissed.com/emma-sandor/#about

Railway Heeling

Spent the day on tiptoe.

On the train this morning. Rushing to meet my friend for a pre meeting planing session and my heel caught the lip of the floor between carriages. It fell off.

To all you readers: promise me you won't buy cheap shoes of eBay.



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Location:The Arches Shopping,London,United Kingdom

Reuben & Papa: In-tent-sive time

Reuben and I slept in a tent (thanks David & Margret for the donation!) last night in the garden.

We went in just before 9 last night had a cup of hot chocolate in the porch and a couple of rich tea biscuits then cuddled up to listen to a story.

We were wiped. One of the best nights sleep in ages despite the slight slope leading to being pressed against the end and then having a 7 year old pushing into me.

Such fun :)












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Death's scythe

I've seen the proverbial.

A moment lasting a lifetime.

Seeing the slow motion impending peril descend upon you.

Many times have I had to intervene to stave off that scythe that hangs over you and your family when you dance with an encounter with death.

This time instinct kicked in when I heard the first spurting cough. That distinctive sound of a lodging of food in the oesophagus. The sound also indicated that it was an infant. I could hear the words starting to make sense: Ezra was choking.

Ezra is loving apples and crisps. But each are tough texture for him. It doesn't stop him trying for it either. He has a cute way of pursing his finger tips together with his thumb and then pressing each hand together. It's his was of asking how something.

The apple must have been Caleb or Reuben's. They were watching a TV programme. I was Utting on the other side of the room and intervention time was costly seconds away. I had already wasted a few processing and diagnosing the problem. Ezra was choking and I was still a few seconds away.

I jumped up and then I heard it. The hollow slam on the back. The mild choke. Tears streaming and the munching continuing. Only I hadn't made it across the room yet. I was only just off the mark.

The thump and intervention came from Caleb. Having diagnosed and quickly identified the response was there before me.

His embrace was also there for the unknowing infant who was asking again for more.

Death's scythe missed. Thank you Caleb for saving your brother's life.


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Location:London,United Kingdom

Getting into BBQs

Having our children all grow up together they now set out on a summer camp over the summer.

What better way to celebrate than with a BBQ.

It was great to have 4 families. 11 children. 8 adults. And even better to be sitting around eating, drinking, playing the ukulele and enjoying the moment.

Loving the al fresco season and thankful for these moments.






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Location:Strathblaine Road,London,United Kingdom

Broken light

Always takes my breath away seeing light broken.







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Location:Newlands Road,Tunbridge Wells,United Kingdom

Blessed are the Peacemakers

I was convinced we were going to stay in the EU this morning.

The headlines would be a triumphant we have voted remain. A jubilant European flag waving.

It was never an easy vote. I have been swayed by both sides and heard, read around the debate. I'm no expert but I've not taken this vote lightly either.

On the one hand my heart was pining for something different to the status quo, business as unusual, a gamble, a new way of doing things.

My head however, was saying that strength came in working even harder at peace and unity. (I was even sighing as I said these words in my head). These efforts are, as I am realising, not cheap. They cost dearly: energy, passion, continual door knocking, inviting and table conversations and the sheer money involved thinking surely there's someone who can pay for this and realising that there's no one but you to step up and fork out the cash, the time, the energy, the persuasion, the sleeplessness and drive to get out of bed yet again to do the same. The gains as well are often small and almost baby steps. No 'Big Bang for a Buck' more like a 'pindrop for an IOU for more money than you have in a noisy room'.

This is the price of peace. It's you.

You can't buy it off amazon.

Peace is not cheap. And peacemakers are selling their souls, bodies to be slaves to this idea. Whether it's in the office, the school, the streets, the Calais Jungle, or the slums of Kiberia or the corridors of the Governments and United Nations.

Their opposition is: doubt, despair, laughter at your expense, ridicule, jibes, shaming, slander.

Their allies: belief, hope, love, collaboration, community, courage.

All that keeps going round and round my head are the words "blessed are the peacemakers".

I'm upset by the vote this morning. The EU in itself is not so much the issue for me, nor is the fact that the outcome didn't represent my vote nor my voice. But what really gets me is that we gave in to the opponents of peacemaking and peace building and bought into their rhetoric. That makes me feel used and dirty.

But peace is something that this family believes in and we're willing to pay the price. We're not giving up because of this vote and all the rhetoric that comes with it. We still believe in those words "blessed are the peacemakers" and stand with those who strive for peace.


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If only

If only you didn't fall out

If only somehow your mum saved you

If only you were strong enough to fly

If only we didn't find you as we rushed out

If only we didn't stop our curious boy who saw you first

If only we remained oblivious of your diminishing existence as you lay breathing your last few breaths 

If only we knew exactly what you needed

If only we knew how to help you  

If only we could actually do something meaningful for you 

But it was your last breaths that we heard

But it was your body that we tried to warm

But it was only what we could do as life whisked us away for but an hour.

We did come back

You had breathed your last.

We did come back to see what more we could do

But there was nothing to do.

We did come back. But you were not alive. 

If only we could have seen you fly

If only we could have heard you sing 

If only you had survived 

Reunion

War is hell.

When it ends do you just pick up where you left from. Go back to the house you lived in. Buy coffee from the people who attacked you. It's a game changer. A world that is pulled away from beneath your feet leaving you alone, destitute and permanently amongst strangers.

The strength that remains turns towards survival. Clinging to the little that you already possess and the ones you travel with. Their safety become paramount.

This week a family I know prepare to reunite with a daughter, a sister next week.

They were separated in the aftermath of a cruel war that claimed a brother and son and a husband and father. Shortly after the mobs came for more. Violating. Stripping dignity from this family. Helpless. Alone. 

They are thrown out of their home. A battered mother and her four young children. A son and three girls. The youngest; a few years old. Their neighbours turning upon them. 

The war ends. 

Their lives are overturned. No going back. Spending the next few years in a slum like community. The peace keepers remain.

The mother is given an option to spare her youngest this life that ensnares them. The poverty is more than cruel. It's cold. It's hunger. It's hopeless. It's loneliness. It's boredom. It's powerlessness. It's welcoming the stares of pity. Salvation, however, is offered to spare her child.  To give her a future. To allow her the chance to grow up free from this place. The decision: to allow another to take the child and raise them.

An indecent proposal. 

Painfully and reluctantly she accepts under conditions to keep in touch. To allow a return and access to the daughter & sister. 

The family say goodbye. 

The deal doesn't work out. They are palmed off after. They misunderstood their terms and were misled. A family ripped apart once again. 

It's hard to find anything of hope in all of this. Sometimes it seems the only thing to do is to stop and just sit down with each other. No words. 

This week I've been asked to pray as well over a decade later this young girl, now a young lady, returns to her family.

One of the sisters said "Soon my dream will become reality and that's all thanks to God."

In our prayers.


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Location:Newlands Road,Tunbridge Wells,United Kingdom

Turkey 6: what brings me here: bullets & empathy?

I'm here this week for the world's first Humanitarian summit assembled by the UN Secretary General Ban Ki moon.

He doesn't know me (though I have met him once before) but he has invited me, or our organisation, Empathy Action to be here.

Why? Because we showed some of his team what amazing people are doing to build from brokenness a livelihood. They are the UN and know this well. But I think we were able to speak not only to their heads but also to their hearts this time.

We were able to share our belief that everyone is a part of the solution to the broken planet we live on. It starts, however, with something very basic: caring, compassion and empathy. It starts with our hearts.

It's a different language but one that is so vital right now in an digital age that is somewhat industrialising the de-humanising process. A heart to heart conversation so to speak.

Here's a lovely video teaser that my colleague, and full time volunteer, made about Empathy Action at the #ShareHumanity conference:

https://www.facebook.com/empathyaction.org/videos/834460083325596/

More updates to come.



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Location:Tel Sokak,Katip Mustafa Çelebi,Turkey

Turkey 5: siblings

I have a few hours left in this border city to Syria Before heading to the World Humanitarian Summit.

Sitting now in a hotel room I'm trying to encapsulate what it feels like to be here on a border city to Syria. It hosts, I'm told, over 200,000 displaced Syrians Which is a conservative estimate.

Antakya is a wonderful city. It boasts the first Christian church. An area that is rich with history.

My experience over the past 48 hours includes incredible hospitality, visits to Syrian schools, sitting in the houses of displaced widows and their families, speaking with people who are wanted men just a few kilometres over the border and even heard from people who've had their family members affected by the chemicals used in dirty bombs and even some whose bodies have been found in rivers after going to prison.

This city is special. But it is also tired.

My colleague said this place feels like the amazing big brother that is housing its younger sibling. However, like most visits to your home, there is a point where they wonder when are they going to move out. After awhile that wonder can turn to different feelings.

In my travels throughout this city I have been referred to as brother time and time again: "my brother", "you are not a friend you are my brother"... "Thank you my brother".

As for me, I know this being the youngest of three brothers that we all need those older, or younger, siblings to help us out.




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Location:İstiklal Caddesi,Haraparası,Turkey

Turkey 4: early starts and more delays

Plane has just landed in Adana.

The weather in Antakya (our end destination) is prohibiting our direct travel there. It's hard to determine the specifics due to language.

It's 0735 and I am kind of wishing that maybe I should have slept in rather than get up at 0300.

But what a beautiful day it is outside.



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Location:İstiklal Caddesi,Meydan,Turkey

Turkey 3: #YNWA

Been looking forward to the Europa cup final for weeks.

Liverpool progressed all the way overcoming old adversaries and old clubs for the new boss.

It's been a joy to see my team progress. I was even relishing the chance to see it in the city where they last won a European cup.

However, a delayed flight and tight turn around, passport control, visas, baggage reclaim and getting to a screen cost me the first 55mins of play. Thank goodness for whatsapp and sms updates.

I came in during the 2nd half and saw a 1-0 lead slip away. Woeful defending by us and excellent attacking from Sevilla made the end result a gutting 1-3.

Well done Sevilla. Disappointing. But what a great season this has been for my team. Thanks for it and you'll never walk alone!


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Location:Kemal Paşa Caddesi,Yeni Cami,Turkey

Turkey 2: dusk from the air

Always love the view of sun going down whilst in the air. I guess I must be somewhere above Eastern Europe.




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Location:Havaalanı İçi Yolu,Sanayi,Turkey

Turkey 1: a dream come true

I have always wanted to theme out events that are saturated in stories of powerful partnership between the poor and rich.

This week that dream starts to come real. One area that I have been focusing on for the past several years are 'products with purpose' placed in the hands of people by caring people as a gift. For example at birthday parties or weddings and now events.

On Sunday I go to the world's first UN Humanitarian summit. The organisers care deeply about this area and want to convey this. They are doing so through the event, the agenda and also through a gift that we have helped create with partners in Cambodia.

The gifts are key rings made by people from a country that has emerged from a ruthless civil war. A war that left field and field of dead people. A regime of tyrannical dictator. From the bullets and artillery shells come these key rings that have been made by artisans for the participants of the summit.

The message of the summit is around shared humanity.

I'm stoked to be part of this and even more so to see a proof of concept from all those years ago.




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Thank you cherry blossom

We love living on our road.

Especially at this time of year when the cherry blossom is out.

The last week has so has been spectacular. Walking home. Walking to the shops. Walking to football. It's been great. The trees are dressed in a deep pink that fills the road.

And now the tree opposite sheds the blossom leaving a stunning pile beneath. Walking back from the school run we stopped to show Ezra.




Thank you for the past few weeks. Hopefully see you next year.


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Location:Newlands Road,Tunbridge Wells,United Kingdom

"Don't try this at home"

Kosovo #13: Three Kosovan-ism phrases

A few phrase "isms" that I've observed over the past few days:

"step-by-step": a common life phrase to describe the passage of time and the life journey between key milestones.

"Blah blah": they blah blah (with added hand gestures to signify talking) used to describe gossip. It was generally a negative.

"What to do?": a rhetorical expression of exclaiming "its out of my hands" or usually following an explanation of a dilemma or overwhelming problem. 

Kososvo #12: do you have his mother's permission

Most weeks there's a permission slip request from school for one of the boys. Usually it's a fairly simple process.

I was caught off guard at Pristina airport at the passport control when the policeman asked whether I had permission from the boy's mother to travel. 

There are a number of ways that I could have handled this. But the one I chose was, maybe not the best either, a vacant stare at the policeman completely lost for words for all of those few seconds before I blurt out "I'm his father!"

He looks at me. He looks down at Caleb. 

A pause.

My mind is wrestling with whether I should say something or not. 

He looks again and waves us through .

Trafficking children is still a big problem. The family we will be staying with had one of their children "given for adoption" during the post war period.

One group I worked with said that it's the airlines and their staff that "just know" who are being taken and they are powerless to intervene.

Caleb and I walk through hand in hand to get our baggage.

Kosovo #11: Rahovec

Around 14 years ago Ray came to this Roma colony and met Suzana and her family.

Hers was the first house he visited.

He's been friends with them ever since. It was powerful hearing from Ray and Aferdita (Suzana's daughter) the stories over the years. A lot has happened to them. Ray is inbetween chemo treatments and timed this particular visit to Kosovo, with us, to fit in.

Someone like Ray was friends with my family when they were thrown out of their country Uganda in 1972.

When Aferdita tries to pay tribute to him (which is quite a few times), Ray is very quick to not take any praise and give thanks and credit to God. 

 

Kosovo #10: at the reservoir with friends

Kosovo #9: call me Roberto Carlos

I still recall seeing that banana free kick against France at around the half way mark that former Brasil left back and free kick specialist Roberto Carlos swung both out and then in to the back of the net in 1997. I recall trying to practise that for ages.

Today I got invited to play football here in Gjakova. I was introduced, referred to whilst playing as Roberto Carlos. I even had a selfie taken as a result.

Shame I couldn't strike the ball like him.

Kosovo #8: playing blind

I was taught how the blind play chess. (And knit!)

My friend Shiape (the fifth best chess player in all Kosovo) kindly showed me. He was less enthusiastic about the knitting!

Kosovo #7: the widows

Her children were denied to travel through a person's land to get to school. They had to therefore venture through a river to get there. Sometimes the river was a few inches high. Sometimes much more.

Her house backs on to this river. Currently there's a truck there and lots of rubbish floating around the edge. The tied up dog is also barking away.

We arrive armed with a few supplies of flour, meat, sugar, a tray of eggs, soap and other few items.

Upon arrival she shares about her high blood pressure and Ray says we'll get her some medicine.

She's a widow.

Kosovo #6: From a crumbling home to building a new one

This man proudly shows us around his home that he is building. It's about 18 months from completion I was told.

It is next to his current crumbling one.

Kosovo #5: Blessed are the peacemakers

306  students.

We're in a primary school. The Head ushered us into his office and lady comes in delivering coffee one by one.

This school has been here since 1981. 35 years old. This Head has only been since 1996. This is actually quite a feat as his contract lasts 2 years before renewal. He's clearly good at his job as the last renewal was given without his consent.

He's not complaining.

He shares passionately about his students whilst his colleague finds a text book that he gives especially to Caleb.

He starts off by saying: "... y'know there was a war here sixteen years ago"

It's hard to stop a man midflow from here.

He goes on to share about the mixes of students including a 75 from the Roma communities and his acute desire to integrate people from all walks of community to encourage the future generation to feel and know that there are no barriers between people and races. A man with a dream.

His particular requests to us is to help to build a computer room and particularly for a disabled girl. A wheelchair to help the ten year old get to school. Currently her grandmother pushes her 2km every day here.

As we finish listening he asks Caleb which class he is in. Caleb says Year 5. He says let's go meet our Year 5s.

After 16 years peace making comes in the form of a place of learning that is desperately trying to ensure its students learn in inclusive environments.

Kosovo #4: after a long day...

Kosovo #3: "we're with Ray"

Ray has invited me to Kosovo multiple times.

I have tried to come many times too. It's just not worked out. 

Right now I'm lying on a bed in house in Gjakova. I would never be here being welcomed in this home. With these lovely people who give their beds up for Caleb and I. 

Aferdita cooked a meal. Suzanna, the mother, baked the bread. Ramadan, Aferdita's older brother, his wife Miki and their son Heckuran played. Luan, Aferdita's fiancé, drove us from the airport to here. And Albina, one of Aferdita's younger sisters, said to me we all know Ray. He has known me since I was 13. He is known by many people around here and is their friend. 

She ended saying: "Ray is a really good man"

Kosovo #2: at the airport

Early start. Continual checking of documents. Missed breakfasts. Traffic. Farewells. Must be the day of departure.

Kosovo #1: The day before

In 1998, I was a year out of graduating.

I had just secured my first 'real' job as a fundraiser in a small to medium charity that worked in Eastern Europe and China. I was recruited to phone up companies and ask for surplus stock to include in shipments heading out to around 7 countries on the other side of Europe that the charity supported.

Just a few months in. We had news of the mass exodus from Kosovo into the neighbouring countries. The scenes in TV were of bombing, buildings on fire and lines & lines of people walking.

The small charity that I was working for was quick to respond. Particularly in what were termed as "unstructured" settlements.

I recall calling many groups for help and receiving a lot of support from pharmaceuticals, clothing companies and food.

The numbers of people being displaced were estimated well over a million at 1.5m into surrounding countries.

I watched the figures rise on the UNHCR website daily. I desperately made calls and sent faxes every day during this time. Some calls were more fruitful than others.

Tomorrow, eighteen years later, I'm travelling to country that I followed so closely for the first time. I'm meeting people who were attacked, lost family, friends and their homes... and were then ignored. I'm told that we will meet people with disabilities, those in Roma settlements and others on the wrong side of the 25% that do have jobs.

A lot has happened in eighteen years. The region is now a country. People are trying to pick up the pieces. As for me: had several more jobs, got married, had children.

A lot has changed.

Tomorrow I travel there, 18 years later, and I travel with my son, Caleb. Updates to come.

Ezra at the pub =)

And then carriages home

My friend Matt Gow shares about his itchiness

I worked with Matt for over a decade.

Quite closely on many projects too. He's an extraordinary visionary. And very humble.

Here he is speaking from the heart at TEDxHongKong. Go Matt!

There's a Triceratops in Tunbridge Wells

Not a usual sight. A prehistoric dinosaur drives past our office.

Oldest and youngest

So these two are now sharing a room... And Caleb hasn't once heard Ezra at night time.

:) :)

Superheroes

Just found this photo. Made me smile :)

Generational empathy: Papa shares his journey of leaving Uganda at a school Lent assembly

Quite a moment. 

Still taking it in really.

This morning I was able to share the story of my Dada (grandfather) and the family's exile of Uganda back in 1972. 

My Papa then joined me to share the poem (called "Welcome" by Rachel Salter) to the sixth formers and year 11 at Trinity School as part of their Lent services. Their theme of doing good. 

Papa was particularly glad to share about the acts of good by so many during those days and how these acts have travelled through the generations of his family right the way to his grandchildren, my boys.

As I dropped papa off home he whispered the words: "thank you for letting me come along and share today".

These guys :)

Busted!

I've cancelled the call to the ghostbusters. 

The poltergeist has been found and there's photographic evidence.

I ain't 'fraid of no ghost.

"Hey! I'm walking here!"

We have a walker in our midst. 

1 step on Friday.

6 steps infront of grampa yesterday... And 10 at Dada's (other grandfather) today.

Also he does not perform on request either... Hence no video evidence as of yet despite numerous efforts.

Oh Ezra... :)