I was convinced we were going to stay in the EU this morning.
The headlines would be a triumphant we have voted remain. A jubilant European flag waving.
It was never an easy vote. I have been swayed by both sides and heard, read around the debate. I'm no expert but I've not taken this vote lightly either.
On the one hand my heart was pining for something different to the status quo, business as unusual, a gamble, a new way of doing things.
My head however, was saying that strength came in working even harder at peace and unity. (I was even sighing as I said these words in my head). These efforts are, as I am realising, not cheap. They cost dearly: energy, passion, continual door knocking, inviting and table conversations and the sheer money involved thinking surely there's someone who can pay for this and realising that there's no one but you to step up and fork out the cash, the time, the energy, the persuasion, the sleeplessness and drive to get out of bed yet again to do the same. The gains as well are often small and almost baby steps. No 'Big Bang for a Buck' more like a 'pindrop for an IOU for more money than you have in a noisy room'.
This is the price of peace. It's you.
You can't buy it off amazon.
Peace is not cheap. And peacemakers are selling their souls, bodies to be slaves to this idea. Whether it's in the office, the school, the streets, the Calais Jungle, or the slums of Kiberia or the corridors of the Governments and United Nations.
Their opposition is: doubt, despair, laughter at your expense, ridicule, jibes, shaming, slander.
Their allies: belief, hope, love, collaboration, community, courage.
All that keeps going round and round my head are the words "blessed are the peacemakers".
I'm upset by the vote this morning. The EU in itself is not so much the issue for me, nor is the fact that the outcome didn't represent my vote nor my voice. But what really gets me is that we gave in to the opponents of peacemaking and peace building and bought into their rhetoric. That makes me feel used and dirty.
But peace is something that this family believes in and we're willing to pay the price. We're not giving up because of this vote and all the rhetoric that comes with it. We still believe in those words "blessed are the peacemakers" and stand with those who strive for peace.
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