death

i find myself thinking about death recently.

it may have something to do with uncle jack passing away. having angie's mum & dad sorting out his estate and various legal matters. furthermore, one of the dad's at a dad's group yesterday told me how they lost their child during the early part of their life.

all of it saddens me. i find myself yearning to be beyond this point of mourning or contemplating this thought of death.

the vicar at uncle jack's funeral said that what we leave behind us rubs off on others around us and it is these memories and manners that are part of our legacy. these are part of "the eternal life" its not just about what happens after death for each of us.

the thing about death that bugs me is two: one it throws you off guard by bringing about feelings, thoughts that we don't want to confront and second, it is utterly natural.

both are issues that i would like to ignore or bury.

i do, however, find that the bringing together of people, the memories and stories shared turn into special bonds between us and the person but also each other and perhaps this is what the vicar was referring to regarding eternity. i once heard this being said : "... what we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."

meglomanic in the midst

Jack Ellis, 26.11.07

Jack Ellis, aged 92 passed away yesterday.

We affectionately knew him as Uncle Jack. A charming, fiercely independent and delightful person who we shall miss.

Rest in Peace uncle Jack.

7 weeks in

man.... seven weeks into joshua's life and adjusting to being a family of four. it has been a very tiring two months. we had plenty of advise saying that these will be hard days ahead with two youngsters.

recently, joshua has been in hospital with RSV which meant that angie had to go in too. its been 4 days now. he'll be ok and the doctors aren't too worried. as a parent, i'm starting to accept worry as part of the job description.

this meant that for the second time, the first being when we had joshua, we had to apply ourselves to different areas for an extended time period. angie took joshua and i took caleb. now i've been away several times and angie has naturally looked after the family, but never have we separated in this fashion where we had a child each for such long lengths of time. i guess this is the second of many more times to come... it maybe familiar to many, but it something that i am just starting to learn.

so for a third time in my life, the first marriage and the second having caleb, i feel like saying that things will never be the same again (and again and again).

when caleb met joshua

day 1

joshua david hamilton solanky

waiting

i'm sitting waiting to go into hospital. its early. angie's just sent me a text to say that its started.

but... i'm not allowed to go in for another few hours.

she's upset that i'm not with her and i'm pacing and gutted not to be with her. my role in this whole birth thing is to be more of a side kick, a trusty steed, rather than than the hero. yet i'm not even that right now.

i'm not the most patient of people so find myself praying for my unborn child and for angie, fidgeting and needless preparing of my quickest exit when i get the call. (i may or may not have done a dry run or two already).

we've had numerous touting of the word "artificial" thrown at us to help us understand what the processes will be over the coming hours. the "artificial rupturing of the membrane", the "artificial simulation of labour" and more. yet the giving birth, being a family, having someone to support and comfort you in troubling times couldn't be more natural. the only thing artificial that i'm experiencing is not being with my wife over these minutes.

looks like i just got the call. i'm going in.

countdown

tomorrow at 8 o'clock we are expected to go to pembury hospital to be induced.

angie's system is producing a high level of the anti E antibody which to my understanding could potentially attack the blood system of the baby. all monitoring has indicated that the baby is well. we have been advised that the baby will be going into special care for the first 48 hours. This will entail being in a separate ward and having certain tests happening every few hours.

as both angie and i sit down sipping our coffee two things are on our mind: first caleb and how he will be without mummy and papa for several days and second, what will happen over these days... amongst it all seems like a million things are about to happen.

right now we're in a bracing position.

on the other hand, we've also had a chance to reflect of such grace and favour that we have enjoyed- lots of supportive texts, calls, offers of help, the amount of things that others have given us and the shear volume of people that have wished us luck or promise of prayer over these days. we certainly feel blessed.

so i guess now we start with the waiting. onwards and outwards :)

life is a beach

a few weeks ago i went on holiday.

after taking caleb on a number of local attractions... i quickly found out that all the cool things of local interest involved driving... which in turn meant traffic queues, money to get in, a short attention span from caleb but a great day out with some cool things... however, maybe it was more us oldies that were getting the satisfaction of "doing something" and often the joys were lost on the 'leb-meister... like this great steam train ride... which had awesome views but still the handles on the doors were far more interesting... and an hour was a long time for him to keep interest in the outside. it made me think was the £15 spent worth its weight together with the 45 minute journey down.

so we went down to the beach the next day and had a blast. as we were nearby, no car trip. it was fun and we all loved it. the waves. the cool water. the great marine life. the ball. the sand castles.... and it was free.

Caleb memiors#entry 2: so i found myself in a bunch of balls

... don't know how i got here. was out on recon in a fox hole... there goes my cover. the commanding officer won't be impressed. dang.

Mid Life Crisis?

was watching the west wing last night and saw an episode called "365".

it's an episode that looks at the presidential administration facing the close of their final term. they find themselves in a position of just keeping their proverbial heads above the water.

then one of them who has seemingly spent the day wasting time watching old tapes of their president's finest moments whilst the rest of the team barely have time to grab a coffee, gathers them together at the very late hours of the evening.

he has a whiteboard and scribbles on it "365". he asks them what they have done. all comment about the busy-ness and their struggles. they heartily agree that they are glad that the day has ended and they're still alive.

he states clearly we have 365 days left.... what are we going to do: are we going to continue to just make it through the day... or are we going to make a change. we have an opportunity to do in one day here what would take others a lifetime to do. what do you want to do?

the episode goes on.

all of a sudden i find myself thinking. what am i doing with my time, am i on the back foot.... wouldn't i prefer to be on the front one. what do i want to do with the time that i have left?

On Fame

man alive! i've just finished my fifth radio interview in four days. not to mention page 5 in the times today too.

this year's give me shelter has really stepped up, thanks to three awesome volunteers that have been getting the likes of KT Tunstall and Virgin and a host of other amazing groups excited about the project. these guys, have given their time and expertise to help out and with little or no reward other than being part of something bigger

i'm astonished at what's going on... and i've all of sudden found myself thinking about what is going on and the desire to be part of something bigger

i got a christmas message last year that read:

"On behalf of everyone who has thanked me, shook my hand or smiled in grateful appreciation of our work, let me say thank you on their behalf to the Global Hand team for the part you guys play in that process."

it really took me back as we deal with a lot of "middle men", so to speak and this remided me of who we represent. to the business sector we represent a world of development, poverty, and need. then on the otherside, to the development community, we represent an onlooking affluent world seeking to engage.

i really felt humbled and hugely unworthy person to be in this position, by being in the middle and representing such a big world. i all of a sudden felt an enormous weight on my shoulders the pressure to get things accurate and right to capture the heart as well as the specifics.

i guess this is only the beginning as i hear the today programme are interested with a host of others... well i'll continue to do my best and keep in mind the "bigger" picture.

:)

Give Me Shelter 2.0

Last year Global Hand worked with the Mean Fiddler at the Reading/Leeds festival to channel surplus tents for needs around the world.

Ben piloted the initiative, GIVE ME SHELTER and it seem to lesser degree show signs of being a great way to use some of the goods.

There were many learnings to take away and build on.

The festivals were impressed with the work done and hence has now been asked to scale up for this year’s festival. Another amazing outcome of the Reading and Leeds festivals was that Global Hand was approached by Glastonbury to replicate a similar venture. However when they visited Glastonbury organisers they discovered that it was on a much larger scale, for example they are looking for roughly 50 volunteers to help before, at, and after the festivals…..wow it’s a huge challenge for such a small team, but one they are all excited about and looking forward to.


More later...

Check out: http://www.newconsumer.com/news/item/1842/

4 years...

angie & i have been married 4 years today.

we've come along way... and it has been a wonderful journey. but here's how it started:


when i read about marriage being so belittled due to statistics to show they don't work or are being preferred to living with partners or even relationships without the legality are free from policing... i often wonder whether we should have taken a different path re our relationship.

would we be better off without the legal part or would it make a difference to how we raise caleb. in honesty, i don't really know. i do know that somepart of me had it drilled in whilst i was growing up: if i am to spend my life with angie, if we wanted children and if we wanted to take these steps together that i should marry her. maybe that is tradition or socialisation... i can't really say. i am actually none the wiser, in my own mind, which is right or better.

i am, however, utterly thankful for these past 4 years. they have been incredible. i have had the most wonderful companion, friend and mentor. (angie is not bad either ;-) it really has been a treasure to have had this time together... and as i reflect on these years, i think its only just got going as it keeps getting better and better.

In Geneva... and there's snow...

Well here I am in Geneva for an Aid &Trade Conference where GH is presenting at.

Here's a pic of where we're staying... more on the conference to come...

Just had our car stolen...

the car has been nicked.

here i am in bed typing away and i find myself thinking about the whole inconvenience of this and frustrated with new burdens it forces me to bear.

angie and i have been praying about this. she wisely, and equally frustrated deep down, gave thanks for this situation and the gift that we have in this vehicle.

only this morning we were reading in our family devotion time about the secret of being content in all situations (philippians ch 4). i have been trying to work out its meaning ever since i first read this passage back when i was a teenager. i feel none the wiser now.

i remember my first crash and how a friend told me that i was more worried about my dad's reaction than otherwise. that i was more worried about letting other people down. and i remember it distinctly when she summarised with the words "it's just a car". i keep saying these words over. i also find myself remembering, bizarrely, a star trek episode where a community facing impending invasion cling to the things around them. their monuments, their buildings, aqueducts and infrastructure for the people. and with a final plea data, the enterprise officer sent to help relocate this society, states "these are just things. things can be replaced. but the people... they... they can not be."

it's just a car.

i guess i am thankful that we had such a blessing through it.

it came when out other car died. it has provided us with 2 years of hassle free driving. it brought my son home for the first time. took us all the way to lake geneva and back. all the meetings that it has enabled me to go to. allowing us to bring food to the table... and all those lovely trips to see family, to see friends and the joy of fellowship. it came to us miraculously when our needs were such and now it goes.

i am thankful for all that this car enabled us to do. but was it the car that did it. no it was the people we met the friendships that were enhanced and the family bonds strengthened. the car was just the vehicle we used to be with others.

have i learned the secret of being content in all situations. well not quite. but i am finding myself being thankful whereof i would have been dwelling on the loss... after all it's just a car.

Hopefully?

New Year already and I'm full of high hopes and perhaps a renewed energy to do new things... reckon this will be the year I write my book, change the world or even pick up a new hobby... seems like every year i go through a similar pattern. hmmmm, sounds familiar.

I have just sent my first weekly report for GH UK's activities and I look back to see that a few hour's work resulted in several partnerships that is connecting HM Marines several charities in the UK and communities in the Helmand Province, Afghanistan. An area that is the host to a resurging war between the Taliban and UN peace keepers.

I feel very humbled by this. As all it took was the energy to do something... i mean what is a few phone calls or emails... well in this case it brought together many parties united under an operation, it generated and held interests, motivated people to share and amazingly converged many people's hopes. Some to help, some to partner, some to rebuild, some to be thankful that they are alive another day.

It may not be the long term solution to a terrible situation, as a bomb may hit again or the war take a turn for the worse, but it made me think how valuable hope and the motivation to help one another goes a long way.

I have high hopes for this year... :)