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Friday, 31 July 2015

Guns with history

I've been researching 'Empathy' stunts that have sought to forge a deep connection between people and issues.

The best seems to be the immersive ones... the ones that invite us into an uncomfortable yet poignant places.

This one is truly inspired.

Three Months On

(this thought provoking article that I edited is written by a friend who took part in one of the simulations we ran and has come back to do some research on empathy. She's a guest contributor!)

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Three Months On

by Charlotte Whittaker

‘NO, I don’t care. Show me pictures of coffins, show me bodies floating in water, play violins and show me skinny people looking sad….

Make no mistake, these migrants are like cockroaches. They might look a bit ‘Bob Geldof’s Ethiopia circa 1984’, but they are built to survive a nuclear bomb. They are survivors.’

Do these words ring any bells?

On the 17th April Katie Hopkins published them in her column in the Sun under the headline,

‘Rescue boats? I’d use gunships to stop migrants’.

The following night on the 18th April, a ship carrying fleeing migrants sank during a storm off the coast of Libya. Over 800 people lost their lives.

The combination produced a perfect social media storm.

Katie’s comments went viral alongside news of the disaster and the country gave a collective shudder. The story lingered on for a couple of weeks while election focussed immigration rhetoric flooded the media. Then, as quickly as it had come, the issue disappeared beneath the tide of the unrelenting news cycle.

In trying to examine Katie’s massive failure in empathy as symptomatic of the larger empathy deficit in society I have discovered something else in myself and others- our lack in venturing from an indignant reaction to bailing ourselves out of the pandemic empathy bankruptcy.

Like so many others, my immediate and instinctive response to Katie’s comments was one of disgust. An overriding tone of many of the criticisms I read too. This response isn’t wrong. What she said was in severe bad taste and this is where I, and so many others’, knees jerked to react. We all found ourselves thinking: “where was her empathy and compassion for the least of these” or “where was her compassion for people choosing to make a perilous journey with their children across a sea”. Our fingers were pointing and wagging. Unfortunately the response, however, was not one of empathy with migrants. Sympathy yes. But not empathy.

There is a temptation to be indignant at her lack of empathy but miss the fact that our response also frequently lacks compassion for the 800 who died and the millions whose future in Europe is uncertain.

Why should I bother removing myself from my screen to place myself in the shoes of terrified, drowning migrants as a truly human and natural response. The mere thought of it is massive. Clearly indignation is much easier than empathy making our empathy debt that much deeper.

So how can we tackle it? There’s certainly no easy answer. All we can hope for is small steps; one person-at-a-time expanding their capacity for empathy and making the painful choice of investing emotionally in others.

Roman Krznaric, one of the influential thinkers of the empathy movement, believes it is possible to learn to empathise more and gives some ideas in his article ‘6 habits of highly empathic people’.

Empathy begins with contact, connection and company. It begins with the migrants, whose suffering most of us cannot begin to imagine but whose experiences we should nevertheless make an effort to understand. One place to start is with Hakim Bello’s personal account of the journey in the Guardian. Another resource is the BBC’s ‘Syrian journey’ simulation which lets you make the decisions of someone fleeing their home as a result of the war. Collective empathy is an essential motivator of policy in this situation, with potentially huge consequences such as the decision to reinstate search and rescue teams in the Mediterranean since the sinking.

Empathy is so desperately needed here with Katie and her thousands of supporters and elsewhere. It is possibly even hard to empathise here because we don’t want to admit that we share some of Katie’s lack of empathy for the migrants. Uncomfortable as it may be, it is important, because empathy might just help us understand, and even possibly influence, the point of view of this politically powerful group. Similarly, empathy with EU decision makers will show us that the migrant crisis is a terrifyingly complicated situation, so that we can understand and support those who are honestly searching for good long term solutions. Looking back to the debate around this story 3 months on reminds us how desperately we need to learn radical empathy.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Circa 1986-7

An old photo with my dada, dadi, brothers and cousin.

We used to jump over that fence!

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The morning Ezra sandwich

Saturday, 11 July 2015

"I keep saying to myself I have to take it everywhere. I can't take it out of my sight!"

Caleb has just comeback from the Ridgewaye presentation day.

They had a cage tournament. Teams of three and Caleb won. He WON!

He even scored. His first of the season.

I was proud. I would have been proud wherever he came. He was even more chuffed.

It's 9.30pm. I've just cleared up a spilt tea (my clutz-ness!) and Caleb popped down beaming.

He said: "I just can't sleep" clutching his trophy and then exclaimed.

"I keep saying to myself I have to take it everywhere. I can't take it out of my sight!"

Mummy let him have a choc chip cookie on his way back up. He left with an even bigger smile :)

Saturday, 4 July 2015

A family snap

Friday, 19 June 2015

“It’s part of our giving back to the community” (On Generosity)

I’ve just spent a day with professional IT gurus from IBM on a course titled “How to develop a Technology Plan”.

I’m buzzing having been blitzed with their theory, ideas and words that I didn’t even know existed and techniques that I thought were only for the big organisations and the super nerdy. How wrong I was about these lovely guys & gals... and how thankful I am for gaining a brief exchange of their wisdom.

I was reminded in a great way of the subtle yet superior craft of 'keep it simple'. This is how to formulate your plan.

The IBM UK Citizenship team, facilitated by Jeremy, taught us a few of the steps they follow to plan with simplicity and then to enhance your capacity as a small charity through technology by understanding who you are and what you are trying to do. The hard part, by far, being the introspective aspects.

A lot of what we were taught is actually just common sense. I know most of these principles. I still hear words of Socrates echo "know thyself" ring out from my days as a student, and even more so in a charitable organisation where our identity is our most important thing but getting down to do such things like this is not so simple.

It’s certainly not so when you’re a teeny tiny charity.

A day of planning can easily be hijacked by the printer that has just gone on fatal error vacation or when the milk runs out. Or when one of your volunteers ring in sick meaning an entire team reshuffle and there goes your entire week. The list goes on.

All the people, save for the IBM army, in this room are from small charities and most described themselves in the introduction as managers, directors and other auspicious type titles that connote sage like leaders that are inspiring, imparting and firmly directly their band of volunteers. Yet each, over the course of the day, described how far from managing they feel. "Manager" in fact may have seemed a pompous title that is more aptly described as “General Dog’s Body” whose day job is simply keeping the whole thing, barely at best in some cases, ticking along. Anything to do with thinking about common sense guidance principles and strategy is not so simple. It’s a luxury.

Small yes but resourceful oh my. These gals & guys are as I shared and learned are used to being under resourced, over ambitious and way over stretched as an modus operandi.

It was a great mix of sectors in the room today. I am glad to be part of this session together with small charities and a big company.

At some point I ask myself why would a big company deal with the lowly groups like ourselves. Who thought of it and why were they motivated about being helpful to others. What was their empathy story. I didn’t find out on the day, but I did hear one of the IBM volunteer, who was at lunch with us say “it’s part of our giving back to the community”.

There is was. Ah ha. Generosity. The practice of giving.

Generosity, in full blown action, I believe starts with the empathy.

At some point someone somewhere in this company must have thought about others who are in the sole operation exists to help others. They considered the powerful side of empathy, “what if it was me”. What if it was us who were starting up, who were overstretched, who were under resourced scraping by with little donated time by others and desperately reaching out with their all to get to those incredibly hard to reach people that it seems everyone else has forgotten. How would we feel in their place and what would we want a big company to do to help us out.

They then must have reasoned that “it is better for us to share than to safeguard what we have for the greater good”.

Generosity is more than just a good idea... it’s powerful one, it’s a strategic one, it’s an effective one… and when generosity grows it’s ‘wings’ through becoming a practice it ‘flies’... soaring across our communities, criss-crossing and connecting us much, much better together just like today in this session.

It's nice to have a community "Big Brother" to help their little siblings out. Thank you IBM for allowing my charity, Empathy Action to be part of your generosity.

For more information on IBM’s Responsible Citizenship or the Small Charities Coalition events for small charities click on the embedded links.

June 15th-20th, 2015 week also marks Small Charity Week #smallcharityweek

Today @IBMUKCitizen are running a Developing a Technology Plan workshop for #smallcharities. Happy #Smallcharityweek! pic.twitter.com/DVrWHTDtxo
— Small Charities Cltn (@sccoalition) June 15, 2015

Friday, 5 June 2015

15 weeks

Ezra at 15 weeks and 2 days.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

13 weeks

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

All for one...

... And one for All.

Friday, 10 April 2015

Thank you Elizabeth Ward: A Tribute

I recently read a tweet, as it happened a final one, that read:

“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.”

Today I look back and remember Elizabeth Ward, a lady who has been an encourager, helper and one who opened her doors to serve others.

Whilst this Easter weekend was a great time of reflection that not even death can hold a good person down it also delivered the news that Elizabeth had herself breathed her last. She had been battling a crippling case of cancer that suddenly took hold of her in the autumn of last year.

Up until 18 months ago all Elizabeth to me was some parent to some of the kids from a youth group that I served in and I vaguely knew that she helped with the international students around our town.

I didn’t know that she lost her husband to cancer several years ago. That she was quirky, forthright with her thoughts and extremely loving.

I also didn’t know that she was willing to help out with other’s needs. Especially in that hour, or hours, that comes to us all where we desperately need one another. Our need was for the charity that I worked for, operating with next to no resources, needed to pull off a minor miracle in the production of paper bags for a client. The client was a prestigious car company but the makers of the bags, the ones who we were really trying to help were from a small charity looking to help educate and opportunity for street children in New Delhi.

Elizabeth and others came to stick, glue, tie labels and carefully prepare these bags. Each done individually. All 4000 of them. Oh the monotony of it. 2 weeks with a small band of volunteers we persevered together.

After Elizabeth attended one of our simulations where we recreated, somewhat poetically, an activity that is based on making paper bags.

Then some months later a chance encounter allowed me to share a waiting space with her and she was highly animated around the persecution, in particular of Christians in Northern Iraq. Proclaiming to write to politicians, to leaders, to others in order to see how she could serve and in particular to open her house to help others.

I did not, personally, know any refugees. Earlier in the year we had helped with galvanising support for Syria and seen the UK welcome a number of displaced people. I also knew many groups operating in the area who were all highlighting the human tragedy of displacement but none the movement of people to here. However, I did happen to know a girl, from Kazakhstan, who was on a life journey to return to where her origins were, in North Korea, and her heart to serve. Her recourse was leading her to both work with us whilst undertaking a doctorate so she could become a teacher for others about the values of empathy, “one another-ness” and serving. She was only supported by a small group of friends. Elizabeth thought hard and said yes she’d love to help and offer a home to help her along.

It was here that I got to know the kind hearted woman who willingly opened up her doors to a stranger, who helped someone get to where they were going, who stopped to listen to the needs of another and sought to do something with what she had. At one time in my family’s history others too opened up their doors to us strangers after being unwillingly removed from our home country and into a strange one and allowed us the time to find our feet.

I’m grateful for sharing in this small part of her life and to walk albeit briefly with the saints in this world. Thank you Elizabeth. I will remember what you have done for the least of these.

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Some photos from Easter weekend

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Nearly nine decades apart

Lucy "Dadi" is 88 and Ezra just 45 days old.

It's Easter Day today and seeing 'life' being celebrated today through the reason for the season but also through these two special people meeting- it's a collision of a 'full life' and a 'new life'.

A very humble union between Ezra and his Great grand aunty.