gh-ers: past n present

at tom & nat's wedding on saturday i manged to have a rare reunion with some of global hand uk's previous volunteers... those who have worked with me over the years.

sadly phil vincent was not to be found and chris watts and howie murray were absent... still twas nice to see some of the old faces. :)

(from left to right: sal begbie, kate falconer, alice keen, olga k, mal begbie, tom williams, ali mcfarlane, nat williams, charlotte hails, isabel ashwell, benjy & angie)

MIA

somehow i knew this day would come. kinda like that feeling when you know something is going to end.

monkey, caleb's partner in crime for the past 12 months, has disappeared.



it was a routine trip back from the grandparents. somewhere along the terrain between the proverbial "A" and "B", monkey managed to get left behind. our family "leave no man, or monkey, behind" policy kicked in and we extended an extensive search and rescue program. to date: nada.

hope is desperately fading. memories come flooding back of all the adventures, caleb's insistence for us to pray for him every night and reminder of his inclusion in our family outfit. at first, he was just another amongst the ranks of army of cuddly toys... but he rose to the top, against fierce competition from tiger and naughty monkey.

the atmosphere in the camp is grim. principally from angie and me. i'm currently at step five in the mourning process: anger. i still believe he's out there waiting for us to rescue him...

the dilemma: should we replace him or treat this as a valuable "life lesson" of loss and remembrance?...

whatever the dilemmas, rescue mission planning and constant re-living of the sequence of events and journey to uncover any clues... the truth of the matter is: i miss him.

i have never bought a car

i've had 5 cars... and just about to get another.

they have all been of outstanding. some great "innings" and memories: the general taking me to my wedding, cruising the streets in the beemer, bringing both my children home from the hospital and constant trips . even had one nicked and then returned to me.

the one thing each of these cars have in common: they were all gifts. i have never purchased a car... at least not a full size one.

we certainly have got huge reason to celebrate these gifts and what they have enabled us to do.

now i am passing one on to our nephew in and about to receive our 6th car. all i can say is wow... WOW... we are very blessed :)

happy father's day

a few pics of the boys and me
:)

play time

i've always been an inclusive type of guy. i don't normally like to leave somebody out. if i got a party, i got to contact everybody rather than just a select few. i enjoy big crowds.

recently, we were at a somebody else's house for lunch.

it was an affair where you leave the kids to play with each other, they had 3 girls, while the adults sit around the table to chat.

we had this incredible meal where we were all together and joshie was crawling around whilst caleb was in the big chairs and eating away.

it was a lovely time trying to talk to friends and spending some lovely time over a nice meal.

then when the kids all finished they all went to play outside. well joshie continued to crawl around by our feet.

every now and again i would look outside to see what caleb was up to. hoping he wasn't ripping their garden up or abusing the girls. i always seem to have several nerves going that caleb is going to go on a war path.

as i looked out i was struck by a sight that has haunted me. it was the three girls playing away and enjoying each other thoroughly. caleb was there watching them but all by himself. the girls were ignoring him. he was trying to get on with a few things but he kept looking over to see the fun that the others were having.

instantly i wanted to run over and play with him. give him a hug. show him how how much i enjoy his company... my heart went out for him.

one time caleb did find a bat and ball to play with and one of the girls came over to ask him for it. amazingly he handed it over. it was received only to be discarded shortly after. caleb again had nothing.

there was one particular sight where the three girls were in this play house playing and they had shut the door and all i saw was caleb walking over to peer in at the window at them having a great time.

i know its just kids playing and i don't hold anyone responsible nor do i believe it was malicious or intentional, but as a dad seeing your boy isolated, alone and without love was a sight, a thought and a memory that still haunts me.

karate kid...

nice pic... but is that a shark coming out that chap's roof?.... of course

the headington shark. one i always see when we visit our friends in headington always impresses & amuses me.

bill heine, the owner said: "The shark was to express someone feeling totally impotent and ripping a hole in their roof out of a sense of impotence and anger and desperation… It is saying something about CND, nuclear power, Chernobyl and Nagasaki."

"augustus gloop"

i've been doing my best german accent for the past week saying two words only: "augustus gloop". i've been working away and muttering the words and walking round the house practicing my accents...

fyi- he's a character in charlie and the chocolate factory.

a little background: we were in oxford last weekend and i watched a bit of the film, as part of caleb's bedtime routine, and saw the scene where augustus is introduced. the impression was made. and the words were already swirling round my head.

since coming back we were again watching the film as part of caleb's bedtime... and with out prompting, caleb just turned round to me and said "gloop" in his best accent (which sounded much like his normal one save for extended vowels sounds).

now all i'm saying is "gloop" in caleb's accent.

still last month i was saying "lord farquaad" in my best dutch accent after repeat viewings of shrek as part of bedtime routines.

solanky event 2008

angie, caleb, joshua & i gave a short presentation about ourselves and the work we do at our church this past weekend.

it was a precious time of sharing the whole why we do this.

here are a few pics :)




we also showed this video about last year's Give Me Shelter (courtesy of Nat & Pete):

bank holiday weekends

for me bank holiday weekends are all about a pub lunch.

it's not so much the case anymore... having a family means that any sort of venture out is a treat... but i remember the many many monday's that i'd have in the pub, usually of nice location and preferably with beer garden, sitting in, or out, with friends enjoying some fine ales and good catch up.

i loved the pub philosophers/politicians positions that we'd assume to put the world to right... and it seemed to always be a winner and a good opportunity to gather friends in the same place.

there's something about lunchtime drinking that i'm particularly fond of. perhaps it has a different context and hence free from the "big night out" feeling.

i have many fond memories of sitting in pubs (the vine, the white hart, the thirst & last, the brasserie, the buck's head or the spotted dog) at lunch time with a few friends enjoying company and conversation over a fine ale or larger.

not sure i'll be in the pub this weekend... but still... i always think of pub lunches when there's a bank holiday weekend.

i lost it today

i'm usually a calm person but i lost it today.

as per usual i awoke. got joshie. brought him into our bedroom. realised i need to change his nappy. got nappy. forgot wipes. got wipes. changed nappy.... i could go on but you get the picture :)

eventually when we're all together on the bed, reading stories or playing, angie asks "you fancy some eggs for for breakfast?". now being a man of simple pleasure i found the prospect of a boiled egg quite egg-citing.

so i went down and started to get to work. we had been given an egg measure for boiled eggs, amusing titled "egg-xactly", and worked out the timings. got the soldiers ready.

eggs on the egg cups and then off to serve breakfast. as i walked up the stair to the dining room my foot trailed. i slipped and one of the eggs went flying onto the floor. splat.

all that hard work, all that egg-citement and all that hunger crashed and turned into anger. anger that i screwed up. anger that i've got to start again or give up.

i lost it... and kicked the cupboard in frustration.

caleb ran in and saw the egg and got very egg-cited. angie salvaged the food as not much was damaged. i had had enough and gone off it whilst caleb was stoked to be eating papa's food.

whilst i was feeling sorry for myself... the people around me were picking up the pieces and turning it into a feast.

egg-cellent. (i hope you're not thinking that this blog entry is a blatant egg-scuse for getting egg puns in)

preparation...

we try once a year to hold an event where angie & i explain a little bit about what we do and, importantly, why we do it.

already we have a number of supporters who help us in so many wonderful ways... it is our pleasure to say thank you and give an update of the work and ourselves.

additionally, we find that many people would like to know more.

we're holding this year's event at st john's church, tunbridge wells at 2 pm this coming saturday.

it's always an emotional time for me as i prepare because i'm overwhelmed with gratitude. as i sit and write i realise that many have encouraged and got behind us as a family. they believe in what we do, they believe in enabling us to do what we do... they have partnered with us.

as i reflect upon the hard and the blessed times that we have experienced, i still cannot believe that we've survived... but we have and we've got a lot to be thankful for. the miracle of partnering has been a powerful one in our lives and something that we promote passionately about professionally.

caravan-ing

we have just returned from a few days at a caravan site.

some friends from our church not only lent it to us, but also towed it down, paid for our time and supplied us with some great yummies. i don't know what we did to deserve such grace, but we're utterly thankful and it was an interesting experience into the art of living in a confined space.

the thing that you immediately notice is all the facilities within the caravan. the fridge, heating system, the beds and the kitchen... all incredible and have a real gasp factor.

i have a confession here. i suffer from camping envy. whenever i have been on camping expeditions or in the great outdoors i have always taken precious little (the laws for packing take a whole new dimension and i still haven't cottoned on to this) and seem to be surrounded by those with amazing insights and preparedness for the elements.

but.... but, i didn't pack. and thank God too as we had pretty much everything even down to a Cafetiere... i was a happy camper, or caravan-er, this time.




oh and we had a great time :)

voting

we just voted. we all walked up to the local polling booth at st luke's church round the corner.

it's local election time. we had three candidates from the liberal democrats, the green party and the tories.

i'd read their leaflets apart from the green who didn't really inform us of their policies by the usual leaflet drop (perhaps this was deliberate).

found myself disinterested in anything that they had to say and failed to understand how these people are serving to represent me... the main things we were being asked to vote on seemed to be about education or recycling. both important issues and i was wondering about local poverty, community and family breakdown and employment.

i was still undecided on the candidates. so i whispered to caleb who was with me who i should vote for... he answered, resoundingly, "caleb".

Peacemakers

i've been receiving a few threatening emails. not on my life or anything dramatic like that, but just threats to "kick off" and cause some commotion.

what do you do in these situations .

my instinct is to lash back. to get the moral high ground. to feel vindicated in my piety or righteousness.

i've had to deal with quite a few of these outbursts before and my experience, however, is telling me calmly to "nip" these threats in the bud. to not take things like this personally and to rise beyond the threats to a place where you are not reacting to them but rather being gracious and loving in your response.

i was once told that the only response that leaves no "handle" for others to grab and get back at you is one of love. to respond lovingly is a the ultimate act of peace. not entirely sure how to administer this... but know it to be an action of a peacemaker.

i do feel the urge, a strong one at that, to ensure that these guys don't get away with their behaviour and i don't want to appear weak.

a tough decision indeed.

white lies

i've never been a good liar and recently i told a fib.

it was to get me out of an embarrassing situation. something i did got sent to the wrong person. blah , blah and i like most others when confronted this the question: did you actually do it, didn't pass up an opportunity to flatly deny my guilt.

game over? well not quite.

the more i described my alibi i found my imagination running amok as well as my huge drive to prove my innocence in this ghastly act of "injustice". i was the victim here and was "weaving a web of falsehoods" and the more i did so the more i realised that i'm being a complete fool and slowly having to bring in third parties and incriminate them for things that they didn't do. all because i didn't want to look like an idiot. however, with my convoluted story i'd got to the point where i'm not sure anyone would believe me... how on earth would anyone buy into such complexities. i had somehow managed to blame companies and people who i couldn't prove were round me at the incriminating time. my stories were starting to conflict. my name is mud.

after an hour or two of feeling fairly uncomfortable and squirming. i confessed to my faults and said sorry. the weight of the guilt was lifted.

but a new feeling of stupidity was there instead. i've never been a good liar.

Easter pics

surviving the slums

have just returned from hong kong.

part of my aim was to survive 24 hours in a slum simulation. why. i'm still working that out.

before i took part, the reason was to see whether a similar event would work with business leaders over here in the uk, but on a deeper level i wanted to have some feeling of familiarity to the people we serve... something... anything to connect with the millions across the world that wasn't words or stories... but rather living.

it certainly was an insight. felt like a tourist into a different world.

for more of my thoughts on this have a look at: http://slumsurvivordiary.blogspot.com/

how to pose for the camera?

a few family shots over christmas :)