Bank holiday weekend

Love these Bank Holiday weekends.

Reuben time

I've been really enjoying seeing Reuben grow up so wonderfully. School's been a tough adjustment but he's done remarkably well. Very proud of the lil guy.

Joshie's questions

"Papa?"... 'Yes Joshie'... "When you were young was it black and white?"

"Were there dinosaurs around?"

"Were there cars and electricity?"

"Were there cave men?"... 'No, not really Joshie' ... "so there were some then?!" ... 'I don't think so'...  "not even one?"

Just some of the questions I was receiving this morning from my son.

Teaching the guitar

Some springtime holiday shots

You'll never walk alone

From when my brother came home with that Liverpool bag back in the early 80s and saw that amazing shield with the liver bird I was hooked.

As a life long Liverpool fan it's been a bunch of highs and lows. But something special is happening this season. For a long time I've been steadily losing my interest in football. The money. The corruption. The diving. The mercenaries. And the loss of pride in your club and nation.

Yesterday something happened at the right time, on the right day to restore a bit of faith.

25 years ago 96 people died in the Hillsborough disaster. I recall watching it happening.

25 years later they remembered. We remembered.

25 years later probably the biggest game of this year's season. With Liverpool, the outsiders, playing the favourites. A team brimming with enthusiasm, talent and belief.

I think its this "belief" that's enamoured me. And boy is it infectious. Now I'm starting to believe that this could be our year.

Haven't felt this excited about football for a very long time.

And... I believe "this is our year to bring the premiership home"

(an older video... but apt)

Epilogue

The Director of the production emailed yesterday to say:  "Don't be surprised if you feel a bit low this week. You are tired - spiritually, emotionally and physically"

He's not wrong.

My cast buddies have shared the following:

"It was such an amazing experience working with you all over the last few days and I can't believe how emotional I found it all!!"

"Incredible!!! Such a wonderful experience. I've loved and loathed every second in a weird way as its been so emotional, uncomfortable (and not just on the knees!!) But equally unbelievably uplifting!!!" "Hey, what an incredible thing to be a part of and it was such a great experience that I love sharing with you all. I think it's something none of us will ever forget." "I’m feeling quite shaken-up this morning, and didn’t sleep much.  Thank you all so much – what a privilege to be part of it, and to think that the same drama was happening elsewhere..." "Ok we played the ugly parts and we messed up with the words but somebody had to keep you all on your toes. What a memory ...."

"Does anybody else feel they’d really like to do it again....?!"

Two done... It is finished

7 months ago I heard the call.

3 months ago I attended an information evening.

2 months ago I received the call up.

6 weeks ago we started learning the structure of the narrative and committed this to memory.

4 days ago we convened, for the first time, to rehearse. Yesterday morning we finished rehearsing the last half of the play. One full dress rehearsal during the afternoon. And that was it. That was all we did before the actual show. Man that was freaky.

Now today. I'm home. It is over. It is finished. I am indeed tired, emotional, both saddened and joyful to be part of something greater than just the sum of... well, me. 

It's been an honour to serve, perform, be in a production with all these people. Never again will I do this in the same way again.... If you get a chance watch the Mark Drama... It's been amazing... 

It is done

The first performance is done. My voice is shot. I'm tired. So achey... So tired.

Did it go well? How did we do? 

My answer is the same after most performances: "I don't know".

On the one hand I'm glad it's over. Yet on the other I'm curious. Did it work. Did the power of the story penetrate people. 

I hear what people are saying to me. I hear their words. Some encouraging. Some suggesting improvements. However each never really penetrating. I still do not understand what they are saying. I wish it would. The only thing that remains is the same question: How did we do... How did I do ... Did it work?

I'm sure I'll take that pondering on with me... Yet why is it I still wish to hear what others thought.

Man, I'm tired.

I am greed

In this play I represent a sin. My sin is Greed.

Just had a day of rehearsals. It started with fear and ends with trembling. 2 hours to show time.

I keep hearing myself remembering my sin. Saying the words over and over.

I am greed. I am greed... I am greed.

Drama

I'm involved in a production right now that is using older styles of perfomance. Using a combination of improvisation and simple theatrics.

The first performance is tonight. Just over 12 hours it will be show time.

We've only had two rehearsals. Last night was less of a triumph than the previous session. "12 hours" I keep telling myself.

The method of this performance is ancient. A trainee director said to me yesterday this has been done many times and gone through enormous iterative changes. When he did it (he too performed earlier this year... as it happens he was doing the identical role to the one I am playing) he said I just had to trust the director, the power of the story, and his faith in the story telling.

Well I'm certainly not confident in my abilities right now. It's hard to trust someone else in such a time of confusion. I know that I'm in a position of not knowing and he is in one of knowing. So who do I trust. 

12 hours to go.

Courage

"If I can get that one encouragement right. Just that one. It can last months"

He has two disabled daughters and together with his wife are full time carers. The situation is not good. Their decline shall be incremental. Yet each day is a battle to not give in. To wrestle with that desire to simply give up. Each day they wrestle. Some days are good. Some days...

When I asked how does they get through. He replied simply, encouragement.

I've heard this folklore story before and always enjoyed its sentiment and one which I know we,  too, as a family have got through each day only through others' encouragement.

Eight

Eight years ago Caleb came into our lives. Today we celebrated.

His best friend had a sleepover last night and the two are inseparable. Such a rich friendship and today when Caleb received some money. He instinctively, without hesitation, took half and gave it to him. Didn't think twice. Angie was about to intervene. She stopped. Paused and simply watched our son. As she left she said she smiled and was giving thanks for his kindness and reminder of the power of sharing.

Some photos from the weekend

Joshie got awarded the kindness award for "always being kind". Very proud!

And Reuben's lovely get well picture for me...

Davos2014: 'rilla

Davos2014: at Zurch

The adventures of'Rilla an' me continued... made it to Zurich.

Waiting from Allie at the airport and then off to Kublis.

Davos2014: early

Off to Davos. Again.

Joshie gave me a companion. Not alone.

And Caleb a note. Encouraged.

4.19am and awaiting my lift.

Onwards and upwards.

A pic from the plane

Death, Decay and Peace

Last year I was able to return to where I first went as a newlywed. It was a place called the Boat of Garten. We went first over ten years ago and returned ten year later.

As we returned, the place was different and it was a very different time. I recall walking around a stunning woodland path. Enjoying afresh the stunning surroundings, yet also enjoying my relationship. At how much it matured and these years had seasoned our enjoyment. It was a wonderful moment.

When talking about this time recently a question was posed to me: "was the place as you remember it?" 

He went on and said there is so much of the disappointment when returning to places of 'enjoyment' and 'moments'. 

The place has moved on and so have the people. He said that change is often a decay or a lament or a reminder of how things were and the contast to how they are now. He described this process in terms of "a death" or "decay". He said often we look and things speak of this death and decay, or that contrast from then to now either in how they are presented to us or we to it.

When thinking why the experience was better in my response was a combination of peacefulness. Peace in the surroundings, peace in the wonderful company and more so the peace in accepting that this moment was given. I was allowed, for this brief moment, to be in this space and allowed this company and in my heart to say thank you.

I answered his question about whether the place was as I remember saying: "it was so much better."

I'm sure if I returned to the Boat of Garten I will remember those moments that the place allowed me to generously experience. 

And if I did go back I'd like to say thank you.

Travelling

20 years ago now. Man that's an age ago. That's how long it's been since I stepped on that flight at Heathrow heading to the Middle East but bound for Nairobi. It was the start of an East African adventure. 2 months working in an orphanage and then travelling. A gap year dream.

On that flight heading out it was then that it dawned on me that I was alone and without my family. My friends they were there, some of them at least (always good to have pass the pig co-players!)

I was just a year into adulthood and it was a big trip for a 'new man'. 

When I returned there was that usual eagerness to come back and yet when I stepped back to my home town there was utter alienation. Mainly within myself. I had been away and learned new things and been through a host of wonderous experiences stretching from watching the crabs scuttle the white beaches of Diani to eating termites, the stench of Malindi buses and indeed the children... The people who you shared those few, yet life defining, moments with. Yet I could not turn back to them and relive and share those times with. Instead I had settle for trying to adjust back to who I was or otherwise be overlooked when trying to share the moments.

I recall when speaking with friends who yearned to travel about their passions. It was the usual self fulfilment or finding oneself in the newness of places. I recall for me when thinking about this was the desire to not leave and to stay. To build friendships with those around me and to stay for the long term. 

Wind the clock back just ten years ago and as a newly wed I recall dreaming of settling down somewhere new and be part of something. To not disappear but to stay and live, share and be in fellowship with those around you:

In the air right now and about to step into some meetings and strangely remembering some of those feelings.