karate kid...

nice pic... but is that a shark coming out that chap's roof?.... of course

the headington shark. one i always see when we visit our friends in headington always impresses & amuses me.

bill heine, the owner said: "The shark was to express someone feeling totally impotent and ripping a hole in their roof out of a sense of impotence and anger and desperation… It is saying something about CND, nuclear power, Chernobyl and Nagasaki."

"augustus gloop"

i've been doing my best german accent for the past week saying two words only: "augustus gloop". i've been working away and muttering the words and walking round the house practicing my accents...

fyi- he's a character in charlie and the chocolate factory.

a little background: we were in oxford last weekend and i watched a bit of the film, as part of caleb's bedtime routine, and saw the scene where augustus is introduced. the impression was made. and the words were already swirling round my head.

since coming back we were again watching the film as part of caleb's bedtime... and with out prompting, caleb just turned round to me and said "gloop" in his best accent (which sounded much like his normal one save for extended vowels sounds).

now all i'm saying is "gloop" in caleb's accent.

still last month i was saying "lord farquaad" in my best dutch accent after repeat viewings of shrek as part of bedtime routines.

solanky event 2008

angie, caleb, joshua & i gave a short presentation about ourselves and the work we do at our church this past weekend.

it was a precious time of sharing the whole why we do this.

here are a few pics :)




we also showed this video about last year's Give Me Shelter (courtesy of Nat & Pete):

bank holiday weekends

for me bank holiday weekends are all about a pub lunch.

it's not so much the case anymore... having a family means that any sort of venture out is a treat... but i remember the many many monday's that i'd have in the pub, usually of nice location and preferably with beer garden, sitting in, or out, with friends enjoying some fine ales and good catch up.

i loved the pub philosophers/politicians positions that we'd assume to put the world to right... and it seemed to always be a winner and a good opportunity to gather friends in the same place.

there's something about lunchtime drinking that i'm particularly fond of. perhaps it has a different context and hence free from the "big night out" feeling.

i have many fond memories of sitting in pubs (the vine, the white hart, the thirst & last, the brasserie, the buck's head or the spotted dog) at lunch time with a few friends enjoying company and conversation over a fine ale or larger.

not sure i'll be in the pub this weekend... but still... i always think of pub lunches when there's a bank holiday weekend.

i lost it today

i'm usually a calm person but i lost it today.

as per usual i awoke. got joshie. brought him into our bedroom. realised i need to change his nappy. got nappy. forgot wipes. got wipes. changed nappy.... i could go on but you get the picture :)

eventually when we're all together on the bed, reading stories or playing, angie asks "you fancy some eggs for for breakfast?". now being a man of simple pleasure i found the prospect of a boiled egg quite egg-citing.

so i went down and started to get to work. we had been given an egg measure for boiled eggs, amusing titled "egg-xactly", and worked out the timings. got the soldiers ready.

eggs on the egg cups and then off to serve breakfast. as i walked up the stair to the dining room my foot trailed. i slipped and one of the eggs went flying onto the floor. splat.

all that hard work, all that egg-citement and all that hunger crashed and turned into anger. anger that i screwed up. anger that i've got to start again or give up.

i lost it... and kicked the cupboard in frustration.

caleb ran in and saw the egg and got very egg-cited. angie salvaged the food as not much was damaged. i had had enough and gone off it whilst caleb was stoked to be eating papa's food.

whilst i was feeling sorry for myself... the people around me were picking up the pieces and turning it into a feast.

egg-cellent. (i hope you're not thinking that this blog entry is a blatant egg-scuse for getting egg puns in)

preparation...

we try once a year to hold an event where angie & i explain a little bit about what we do and, importantly, why we do it.

already we have a number of supporters who help us in so many wonderful ways... it is our pleasure to say thank you and give an update of the work and ourselves.

additionally, we find that many people would like to know more.

we're holding this year's event at st john's church, tunbridge wells at 2 pm this coming saturday.

it's always an emotional time for me as i prepare because i'm overwhelmed with gratitude. as i sit and write i realise that many have encouraged and got behind us as a family. they believe in what we do, they believe in enabling us to do what we do... they have partnered with us.

as i reflect upon the hard and the blessed times that we have experienced, i still cannot believe that we've survived... but we have and we've got a lot to be thankful for. the miracle of partnering has been a powerful one in our lives and something that we promote passionately about professionally.

caravan-ing

we have just returned from a few days at a caravan site.

some friends from our church not only lent it to us, but also towed it down, paid for our time and supplied us with some great yummies. i don't know what we did to deserve such grace, but we're utterly thankful and it was an interesting experience into the art of living in a confined space.

the thing that you immediately notice is all the facilities within the caravan. the fridge, heating system, the beds and the kitchen... all incredible and have a real gasp factor.

i have a confession here. i suffer from camping envy. whenever i have been on camping expeditions or in the great outdoors i have always taken precious little (the laws for packing take a whole new dimension and i still haven't cottoned on to this) and seem to be surrounded by those with amazing insights and preparedness for the elements.

but.... but, i didn't pack. and thank God too as we had pretty much everything even down to a Cafetiere... i was a happy camper, or caravan-er, this time.




oh and we had a great time :)

voting

we just voted. we all walked up to the local polling booth at st luke's church round the corner.

it's local election time. we had three candidates from the liberal democrats, the green party and the tories.

i'd read their leaflets apart from the green who didn't really inform us of their policies by the usual leaflet drop (perhaps this was deliberate).

found myself disinterested in anything that they had to say and failed to understand how these people are serving to represent me... the main things we were being asked to vote on seemed to be about education or recycling. both important issues and i was wondering about local poverty, community and family breakdown and employment.

i was still undecided on the candidates. so i whispered to caleb who was with me who i should vote for... he answered, resoundingly, "caleb".

Peacemakers

i've been receiving a few threatening emails. not on my life or anything dramatic like that, but just threats to "kick off" and cause some commotion.

what do you do in these situations .

my instinct is to lash back. to get the moral high ground. to feel vindicated in my piety or righteousness.

i've had to deal with quite a few of these outbursts before and my experience, however, is telling me calmly to "nip" these threats in the bud. to not take things like this personally and to rise beyond the threats to a place where you are not reacting to them but rather being gracious and loving in your response.

i was once told that the only response that leaves no "handle" for others to grab and get back at you is one of love. to respond lovingly is a the ultimate act of peace. not entirely sure how to administer this... but know it to be an action of a peacemaker.

i do feel the urge, a strong one at that, to ensure that these guys don't get away with their behaviour and i don't want to appear weak.

a tough decision indeed.

white lies

i've never been a good liar and recently i told a fib.

it was to get me out of an embarrassing situation. something i did got sent to the wrong person. blah , blah and i like most others when confronted this the question: did you actually do it, didn't pass up an opportunity to flatly deny my guilt.

game over? well not quite.

the more i described my alibi i found my imagination running amok as well as my huge drive to prove my innocence in this ghastly act of "injustice". i was the victim here and was "weaving a web of falsehoods" and the more i did so the more i realised that i'm being a complete fool and slowly having to bring in third parties and incriminate them for things that they didn't do. all because i didn't want to look like an idiot. however, with my convoluted story i'd got to the point where i'm not sure anyone would believe me... how on earth would anyone buy into such complexities. i had somehow managed to blame companies and people who i couldn't prove were round me at the incriminating time. my stories were starting to conflict. my name is mud.

after an hour or two of feeling fairly uncomfortable and squirming. i confessed to my faults and said sorry. the weight of the guilt was lifted.

but a new feeling of stupidity was there instead. i've never been a good liar.

Easter pics

surviving the slums

have just returned from hong kong.

part of my aim was to survive 24 hours in a slum simulation. why. i'm still working that out.

before i took part, the reason was to see whether a similar event would work with business leaders over here in the uk, but on a deeper level i wanted to have some feeling of familiarity to the people we serve... something... anything to connect with the millions across the world that wasn't words or stories... but rather living.

it certainly was an insight. felt like a tourist into a different world.

for more of my thoughts on this have a look at: http://slumsurvivordiary.blogspot.com/

how to pose for the camera?

a few family shots over christmas :)

james' wedding

i witnessed one of my oldest and closet buddies get married at the weekend.

a great start to the new year and must confess that i got rather choked up when we both stood at the front of the church waiting for the bride to come... i was reliving our entire friendship... felt very proud of the ole boy :)

death

i find myself thinking about death recently.

it may have something to do with uncle jack passing away. having angie's mum & dad sorting out his estate and various legal matters. furthermore, one of the dad's at a dad's group yesterday told me how they lost their child during the early part of their life.

all of it saddens me. i find myself yearning to be beyond this point of mourning or contemplating this thought of death.

the vicar at uncle jack's funeral said that what we leave behind us rubs off on others around us and it is these memories and manners that are part of our legacy. these are part of "the eternal life" its not just about what happens after death for each of us.

the thing about death that bugs me is two: one it throws you off guard by bringing about feelings, thoughts that we don't want to confront and second, it is utterly natural.

both are issues that i would like to ignore or bury.

i do, however, find that the bringing together of people, the memories and stories shared turn into special bonds between us and the person but also each other and perhaps this is what the vicar was referring to regarding eternity. i once heard this being said : "... what we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."

meglomanic in the midst

Jack Ellis, 26.11.07

Jack Ellis, aged 92 passed away yesterday.

We affectionately knew him as Uncle Jack. A charming, fiercely independent and delightful person who we shall miss.

Rest in Peace uncle Jack.

7 weeks in

man.... seven weeks into joshua's life and adjusting to being a family of four. it has been a very tiring two months. we had plenty of advise saying that these will be hard days ahead with two youngsters.

recently, joshua has been in hospital with RSV which meant that angie had to go in too. its been 4 days now. he'll be ok and the doctors aren't too worried. as a parent, i'm starting to accept worry as part of the job description.

this meant that for the second time, the first being when we had joshua, we had to apply ourselves to different areas for an extended time period. angie took joshua and i took caleb. now i've been away several times and angie has naturally looked after the family, but never have we separated in this fashion where we had a child each for such long lengths of time. i guess this is the second of many more times to come... it maybe familiar to many, but it something that i am just starting to learn.

so for a third time in my life, the first marriage and the second having caleb, i feel like saying that things will never be the same again (and again and again).