i'm usually a calm person but i lost it today.
as per usual i awoke. got joshie. brought him into our bedroom. realised i need to change his nappy. got nappy. forgot wipes. got wipes. changed nappy.... i could go on but you get the picture :)
eventually when we're all together on the bed, reading stories or playing, angie asks "you fancy some eggs for for breakfast?". now being a man of simple pleasure i found the prospect of a boiled egg quite egg-citing.
so i went down and started to get to work. we had been given an egg measure for boiled eggs, amusing titled "egg-xactly", and worked out the timings. got the soldiers ready.
eggs on the egg cups and then off to serve breakfast. as i walked up the stair to the dining room my foot trailed. i slipped and one of the eggs went flying onto the floor. splat.
all that hard work, all that egg-citement and all that hunger crashed and turned into anger. anger that i screwed up. anger that i've got to start again or give up.
i lost it... and kicked the cupboard in frustration.
caleb ran in and saw the egg and got very egg-cited. angie salvaged the food as not much was damaged. i had had enough and gone off it whilst caleb was stoked to be eating papa's food.
whilst i was feeling sorry for myself... the people around me were picking up the pieces and turning it into a feast.
egg-cellent. (i hope you're not thinking that this blog entry is a blatant egg-scuse for getting egg puns in)
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
preparation...
we try once a year to hold an event where angie & i explain a little bit about what we do and, importantly, why we do it.
already we have a number of supporters who help us in so many wonderful ways... it is our pleasure to say thank you and give an update of the work and ourselves.
additionally, we find that many people would like to know more.
we're holding this year's event at st john's church, tunbridge wells at 2 pm this coming saturday.
it's always an emotional time for me as i prepare because i'm overwhelmed with gratitude. as i sit and write i realise that many have encouraged and got behind us as a family. they believe in what we do, they believe in enabling us to do what we do... they have partnered with us.
as i reflect upon the hard and the blessed times that we have experienced, i still cannot believe that we've survived... but we have and we've got a lot to be thankful for. the miracle of partnering has been a powerful one in our lives and something that we promote passionately about professionally.
already we have a number of supporters who help us in so many wonderful ways... it is our pleasure to say thank you and give an update of the work and ourselves.
additionally, we find that many people would like to know more.
we're holding this year's event at st john's church, tunbridge wells at 2 pm this coming saturday.
it's always an emotional time for me as i prepare because i'm overwhelmed with gratitude. as i sit and write i realise that many have encouraged and got behind us as a family. they believe in what we do, they believe in enabling us to do what we do... they have partnered with us.
as i reflect upon the hard and the blessed times that we have experienced, i still cannot believe that we've survived... but we have and we've got a lot to be thankful for. the miracle of partnering has been a powerful one in our lives and something that we promote passionately about professionally.
Friday, 2 May 2008
caravan-ing
we have just returned from a few days at a caravan site.
some friends from our church not only lent it to us, but also towed it down, paid for our time and supplied us with some great yummies. i don't know what we did to deserve such grace, but we're utterly thankful and it was an interesting experience into the art of living in a confined space.
the thing that you immediately notice is all the facilities within the caravan. the fridge, heating system, the beds and the kitchen... all incredible and have a real gasp factor.
i have a confession here. i suffer from camping envy. whenever i have been on camping expeditions or in the great outdoors i have always taken precious little (the laws for packing take a whole new dimension and i still haven't cottoned on to this) and seem to be surrounded by those with amazing insights and preparedness for the elements.
but.... but, i didn't pack. and thank God too as we had pretty much everything even down to a Cafetiere... i was a happy camper, or caravan-er, this time.
oh and we had a great time :)
some friends from our church not only lent it to us, but also towed it down, paid for our time and supplied us with some great yummies. i don't know what we did to deserve such grace, but we're utterly thankful and it was an interesting experience into the art of living in a confined space.
the thing that you immediately notice is all the facilities within the caravan. the fridge, heating system, the beds and the kitchen... all incredible and have a real gasp factor.
i have a confession here. i suffer from camping envy. whenever i have been on camping expeditions or in the great outdoors i have always taken precious little (the laws for packing take a whole new dimension and i still haven't cottoned on to this) and seem to be surrounded by those with amazing insights and preparedness for the elements.
but.... but, i didn't pack. and thank God too as we had pretty much everything even down to a Cafetiere... i was a happy camper, or caravan-er, this time.
oh and we had a great time :)
Thursday, 1 May 2008
voting
we just voted. we all walked up to the local polling booth at st luke's church round the corner.
it's local election time. we had three candidates from the liberal democrats, the green party and the tories.
i'd read their leaflets apart from the green who didn't really inform us of their policies by the usual leaflet drop (perhaps this was deliberate).
found myself disinterested in anything that they had to say and failed to understand how these people are serving to represent me... the main things we were being asked to vote on seemed to be about education or recycling. both important issues and i was wondering about local poverty, community and family breakdown and employment.
i was still undecided on the candidates. so i whispered to caleb who was with me who i should vote for... he answered, resoundingly, "caleb".
it's local election time. we had three candidates from the liberal democrats, the green party and the tories.
i'd read their leaflets apart from the green who didn't really inform us of their policies by the usual leaflet drop (perhaps this was deliberate).
found myself disinterested in anything that they had to say and failed to understand how these people are serving to represent me... the main things we were being asked to vote on seemed to be about education or recycling. both important issues and i was wondering about local poverty, community and family breakdown and employment.
i was still undecided on the candidates. so i whispered to caleb who was with me who i should vote for... he answered, resoundingly, "caleb".
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Peacemakers
i've been receiving a few threatening emails. not on my life or anything dramatic like that, but just threats to "kick off" and cause some commotion.
what do you do in these situations .
my instinct is to lash back. to get the moral high ground. to feel vindicated in my piety or righteousness.
i've had to deal with quite a few of these outbursts before and my experience, however, is telling me calmly to "nip" these threats in the bud. to not take things like this personally and to rise beyond the threats to a place where you are not reacting to them but rather being gracious and loving in your response.
i was once told that the only response that leaves no "handle" for others to grab and get back at you is one of love. to respond lovingly is a the ultimate act of peace. not entirely sure how to administer this... but know it to be an action of a peacemaker.
i do feel the urge, a strong one at that, to ensure that these guys don't get away with their behaviour and i don't want to appear weak.
a tough decision indeed.
what do you do in these situations .
my instinct is to lash back. to get the moral high ground. to feel vindicated in my piety or righteousness.
i've had to deal with quite a few of these outbursts before and my experience, however, is telling me calmly to "nip" these threats in the bud. to not take things like this personally and to rise beyond the threats to a place where you are not reacting to them but rather being gracious and loving in your response.
i was once told that the only response that leaves no "handle" for others to grab and get back at you is one of love. to respond lovingly is a the ultimate act of peace. not entirely sure how to administer this... but know it to be an action of a peacemaker.
i do feel the urge, a strong one at that, to ensure that these guys don't get away with their behaviour and i don't want to appear weak.
a tough decision indeed.
Friday, 18 April 2008
white lies
i've never been a good liar and recently i told a fib.
it was to get me out of an embarrassing situation. something i did got sent to the wrong person. blah , blah and i like most others when confronted this the question: did you actually do it, didn't pass up an opportunity to flatly deny my guilt.
game over? well not quite.
the more i described my alibi i found my imagination running amok as well as my huge drive to prove my innocence in this ghastly act of "injustice". i was the victim here and was "weaving a web of falsehoods" and the more i did so the more i realised that i'm being a complete fool and slowly having to bring in third parties and incriminate them for things that they didn't do. all because i didn't want to look like an idiot. however, with my convoluted story i'd got to the point where i'm not sure anyone would believe me... how on earth would anyone buy into such complexities. i had somehow managed to blame companies and people who i couldn't prove were round me at the incriminating time. my stories were starting to conflict. my name is mud.
after an hour or two of feeling fairly uncomfortable and squirming. i confessed to my faults and said sorry. the weight of the guilt was lifted.
but a new feeling of stupidity was there instead. i've never been a good liar.
it was to get me out of an embarrassing situation. something i did got sent to the wrong person. blah , blah and i like most others when confronted this the question: did you actually do it, didn't pass up an opportunity to flatly deny my guilt.
game over? well not quite.
the more i described my alibi i found my imagination running amok as well as my huge drive to prove my innocence in this ghastly act of "injustice". i was the victim here and was "weaving a web of falsehoods" and the more i did so the more i realised that i'm being a complete fool and slowly having to bring in third parties and incriminate them for things that they didn't do. all because i didn't want to look like an idiot. however, with my convoluted story i'd got to the point where i'm not sure anyone would believe me... how on earth would anyone buy into such complexities. i had somehow managed to blame companies and people who i couldn't prove were round me at the incriminating time. my stories were starting to conflict. my name is mud.
after an hour or two of feeling fairly uncomfortable and squirming. i confessed to my faults and said sorry. the weight of the guilt was lifted.
but a new feeling of stupidity was there instead. i've never been a good liar.
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Monday, 17 March 2008
surviving the slums
have just returned from hong kong.
part of my aim was to survive 24 hours in a slum simulation. why. i'm still working that out.
before i took part, the reason was to see whether a similar event would work with business leaders over here in the uk, but on a deeper level i wanted to have some feeling of familiarity to the people we serve... something... anything to connect with the millions across the world that wasn't words or stories... but rather living.
it certainly was an insight. felt like a tourist into a different world.
for more of my thoughts on this have a look at: http://slumsurvivordiary.blogspot.com/
part of my aim was to survive 24 hours in a slum simulation. why. i'm still working that out.
before i took part, the reason was to see whether a similar event would work with business leaders over here in the uk, but on a deeper level i wanted to have some feeling of familiarity to the people we serve... something... anything to connect with the millions across the world that wasn't words or stories... but rather living.
it certainly was an insight. felt like a tourist into a different world.
for more of my thoughts on this have a look at: http://slumsurvivordiary.blogspot.com/
Saturday, 1 March 2008
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
james' wedding
i witnessed one of my oldest and closet buddies get married at the weekend.
a great start to the new year and must confess that i got rather choked up when we both stood at the front of the church waiting for the bride to come... i was reliving our entire friendship... felt very proud of the ole boy :)
Sunday, 16 December 2007
death
i find myself thinking about death recently.
it may have something to do with uncle jack passing away. having angie's mum & dad sorting out his estate and various legal matters. furthermore, one of the dad's at a dad's group yesterday told me how they lost their child during the early part of their life.
all of it saddens me. i find myself yearning to be beyond this point of mourning or contemplating this thought of death.
the vicar at uncle jack's funeral said that what we leave behind us rubs off on others around us and it is these memories and manners that are part of our legacy. these are part of "the eternal life" its not just about what happens after death for each of us.
the thing about death that bugs me is two: one it throws you off guard by bringing about feelings, thoughts that we don't want to confront and second, it is utterly natural.
both are issues that i would like to ignore or bury.
i do, however, find that the bringing together of people, the memories and stories shared turn into special bonds between us and the person but also each other and perhaps this is what the vicar was referring to regarding eternity. i once heard this being said : "... what we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."
it may have something to do with uncle jack passing away. having angie's mum & dad sorting out his estate and various legal matters. furthermore, one of the dad's at a dad's group yesterday told me how they lost their child during the early part of their life.
all of it saddens me. i find myself yearning to be beyond this point of mourning or contemplating this thought of death.
the vicar at uncle jack's funeral said that what we leave behind us rubs off on others around us and it is these memories and manners that are part of our legacy. these are part of "the eternal life" its not just about what happens after death for each of us.
the thing about death that bugs me is two: one it throws you off guard by bringing about feelings, thoughts that we don't want to confront and second, it is utterly natural.
both are issues that i would like to ignore or bury.
i do, however, find that the bringing together of people, the memories and stories shared turn into special bonds between us and the person but also each other and perhaps this is what the vicar was referring to regarding eternity. i once heard this being said : "... what we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Jack Ellis, 26.11.07
Jack Ellis, aged 92 passed away yesterday.
We affectionately knew him as Uncle Jack. A charming, fiercely independent and delightful person who we shall miss.
Rest in Peace uncle Jack.
7 weeks in
man.... seven weeks into joshua's life and adjusting to being a family of four. it has been a very tiring two months. we had plenty of advise saying that these will be hard days ahead with two youngsters.
recently, joshua has been in hospital with RSV which meant that angie had to go in too. its been 4 days now. he'll be ok and the doctors aren't too worried. as a parent, i'm starting to accept worry as part of the job description.
this meant that for the second time, the first being when we had joshua, we had to apply ourselves to different areas for an extended time period. angie took joshua and i took caleb. now i've been away several times and angie has naturally looked after the family, but never have we separated in this fashion where we had a child each for such long lengths of time. i guess this is the second of many more times to come... it maybe familiar to many, but it something that i am just starting to learn.
so for a third time in my life, the first marriage and the second having caleb, i feel like saying that things will never be the same again (and again and again).
recently, joshua has been in hospital with RSV which meant that angie had to go in too. its been 4 days now. he'll be ok and the doctors aren't too worried. as a parent, i'm starting to accept worry as part of the job description.
this meant that for the second time, the first being when we had joshua, we had to apply ourselves to different areas for an extended time period. angie took joshua and i took caleb. now i've been away several times and angie has naturally looked after the family, but never have we separated in this fashion where we had a child each for such long lengths of time. i guess this is the second of many more times to come... it maybe familiar to many, but it something that i am just starting to learn.
so for a third time in my life, the first marriage and the second having caleb, i feel like saying that things will never be the same again (and again and again).
Friday, 12 October 2007
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Monday, 8 October 2007
waiting
i'm sitting waiting to go into hospital. its early. angie's just sent me a text to say that its started.
but... i'm not allowed to go in for another few hours.
she's upset that i'm not with her and i'm pacing and gutted not to be with her. my role in this whole birth thing is to be more of a side kick, a trusty steed, rather than than the hero. yet i'm not even that right now.
i'm not the most patient of people so find myself praying for my unborn child and for angie, fidgeting and needless preparing of my quickest exit when i get the call. (i may or may not have done a dry run or two already).
we've had numerous touting of the word "artificial" thrown at us to help us understand what the processes will be over the coming hours. the "artificial rupturing of the membrane", the "artificial simulation of labour" and more. yet the giving birth, being a family, having someone to support and comfort you in troubling times couldn't be more natural. the only thing artificial that i'm experiencing is not being with my wife over these minutes.
looks like i just got the call. i'm going in.
but... i'm not allowed to go in for another few hours.
she's upset that i'm not with her and i'm pacing and gutted not to be with her. my role in this whole birth thing is to be more of a side kick, a trusty steed, rather than than the hero. yet i'm not even that right now.
i'm not the most patient of people so find myself praying for my unborn child and for angie, fidgeting and needless preparing of my quickest exit when i get the call. (i may or may not have done a dry run or two already).
we've had numerous touting of the word "artificial" thrown at us to help us understand what the processes will be over the coming hours. the "artificial rupturing of the membrane", the "artificial simulation of labour" and more. yet the giving birth, being a family, having someone to support and comfort you in troubling times couldn't be more natural. the only thing artificial that i'm experiencing is not being with my wife over these minutes.
looks like i just got the call. i'm going in.
Sunday, 7 October 2007
countdown
tomorrow at 8 o'clock we are expected to go to pembury hospital to be induced.
angie's system is producing a high level of the anti E antibody which to my understanding could potentially attack the blood system of the baby. all monitoring has indicated that the baby is well. we have been advised that the baby will be going into special care for the first 48 hours. This will entail being in a separate ward and having certain tests happening every few hours.
as both angie and i sit down sipping our coffee two things are on our mind: first caleb and how he will be without mummy and papa for several days and second, what will happen over these days... amongst it all seems like a million things are about to happen.
right now we're in a bracing position.
on the other hand, we've also had a chance to reflect of such grace and favour that we have enjoyed- lots of supportive texts, calls, offers of help, the amount of things that others have given us and the shear volume of people that have wished us luck or promise of prayer over these days. we certainly feel blessed.
so i guess now we start with the waiting. onwards and outwards :)
angie's system is producing a high level of the anti E antibody which to my understanding could potentially attack the blood system of the baby. all monitoring has indicated that the baby is well. we have been advised that the baby will be going into special care for the first 48 hours. This will entail being in a separate ward and having certain tests happening every few hours.
as both angie and i sit down sipping our coffee two things are on our mind: first caleb and how he will be without mummy and papa for several days and second, what will happen over these days... amongst it all seems like a million things are about to happen.
right now we're in a bracing position.
on the other hand, we've also had a chance to reflect of such grace and favour that we have enjoyed- lots of supportive texts, calls, offers of help, the amount of things that others have given us and the shear volume of people that have wished us luck or promise of prayer over these days. we certainly feel blessed.
so i guess now we start with the waiting. onwards and outwards :)
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