we were fortunate just after getting married that we were sent on a marriage course. just a few months in and we were sitting down in a large room with other couples.
the course involved a meal. tables with other couples. a relationship subject. discussion with your wife or partner. we sat next to an older couple.
the first session we learned about seasons of your relationship. we were in the spring and they were in their autumn heading into winter. we shared a moment with this lovely couple and then for the remaining several weeks of the course always sat with them. the course was, in honesty a little new and strange as we'd not been married long. However, i look forward to each session because we'd sit near our friends and share some wonder stories about our relationships.
a few days ago i heard that the he passed away. pneumonia. he was 84.
i remember one particular week we were talking about conflict and how we resolve them. the discussion revealed two type of characters: hedgehogs and rhinos. either react differently when threatened. one retreats into a ball. the other charges. i know which i am. when we shared our meal we spoke with the couple and he spoke of the "toe touching moment" that is moment when you are cross/angry/upset and aggrieved and any form of dialogue is quickly disregarded and there is a gesture that signifies reconciliation. the white flag. the final sorry. its the touching of toes in bed. he said it is this time where he and his wife reach out and say sorry.
he shared the words of encouragement to us "don't let the sun go down on your anger."
thank you.
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